Now What Happens?

So I just watched a movie. It was good, but it made me think.
It used to be that we all watched movies together, piled into someone's apartment. It used to be an afternoon of homework, with a little bit of play time sprinkled through it. Rock-climbing, frisbee, tubing. The movie nights. Then dinner would happen, and back to the grind. That was the schedule. For years, that was the way it was, night after long night. Sometimes, there was less playing (junior year classes...). Sometimes we lost a member for a bit (after school activities or anti-social-ness...).
But we were all always there, you know?
It was us. We were the the Night Crew, the Meyer Crew, the Physics Crew.
The pomegranate juice. The chair races. The light-up frisbees. The all-nighters. The tears. The homework assignments with 18 names on them. The runs to Safeway and King Soopers in the small hours of the night. Charlie and Candy Mountain, The End of the World, Ultimate Showdown, 4 Men 8 Treadmills.
So many memories, wrapped up in few years.
And now we're moving on.
I suppose that was bound to happen, but I rarely thought of it before graduation. With Mines, it's usually one day at a time.
But now we're here. We've graduated (most of us!). We made it through Mines. Even if your GPA wasn't a 3.5, we made it through Mines. That is something in and of itself.
So now what happens? We have the rest of our lives waiting for us, but I'm not sure I'm ready for the rest of my life. I got so used to having you guys there with me, to help me through the long nights and the assignments, and the tests we all thought we failed, the emotional drama that comes with life.
Being halfway around the world kinda puts things into perspective.
Truthfully, I was terrified to move to Australia. Granted, I've moved around a lot in my life; Mines was the longest time I've ever spent in one place, at one school. I've learned how to adapt, and meet new people. But leaving never bothered me so much before I met you guys. There was a big part of me that didn't want to move, that wanted to stay in CO with you guys, find a job, settle down. Travel a bit, just for fun, but stay close to home.
Because home is where you guys are, for me. It's not about where I can find a job, where I find a house. Home is where I have people that I love, and that I know love me back.
So why did I decide to leave? Partly because I've wanted this program since I was in high school. Partly because, come on, it's in Sydney! Partly because I was worried that if I stayed, I would never have the guts to move again. If I was going to move, it needed to be then. When I didn't have a house or a significant other. If I waited for a while, I might be in a relationship or have some responsibility that kept me from moving. Partly, I left to prove to myself I could. And partly, I left for you guys. That big part of me that didn't want to move, that wanted to stay with you guys? If I stayed, someone else would have been in the same position in a few years' time. One of us needed to go. I decided I had the opportunity, so I would be the first one to boot myself out the door.
So it was scary to move down here. It's still scary, and I've been here for almost two months. Don't get me wrong, Australia is pretty much amazing. I'm not in hurry to leave, there's way too much to do.
I guess I just wanted to let you guys know that I love you. Life moves on, and we're all going to go our ways and do our own things. And they'll be great, and we'll meet new people and have a myriad of new experiences. But you guys will always be there. And I'll always be there for you.
A toast! (We're not together, so use your imagination, here... the next time you have a drink, whether together or individually, raise your glasses!)
To the many years behind us, and the many more ahead of us!

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1 Response
  1. Wow...so this is the first time I've checked the blogs in weeks. My internet has been down for almost over 2 weeks. (You know eventually I'll stop being lazy and get this taken care of.) But wow...this post really hit me. I have to admit I'm sitting here with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. I don't want to think of all that as being over, even though I think a part of me already knows. I only hung out with everyone for about a year, but in that time I grew more as a person in that short time than I had in YEARS.

    I've gotta say Alyssa, things are a lot different around here...a lot duller. The groups that hang out are smaller, and there are longer gaps of time between when I see people. I don't like it, but can't do a damn thing about it. You were that bond, the common link that held everybody together, and with out you here things seem to unraveled a bit. I feel more lonely than I did before, and it's a very cold, yet familiar feeling.

    "Now what happens?" is indeed the right question. A big part of me, the selfish part of me, hopes that you won't stay down there, that you'll come back and revive what we had. But then the friend speaks up and says that all she wants is for you to be happy.

    So I guess what I'm getting at is, even though I haven't been the best friend at staying in touch I miss you GOBS! (Trust me, if it were feasible I'd fly out there in a heartbeat just to say hey.) Man...that was a lot longer than I originally intended. :)